


Intertwined But Not Joined

by Kaishiru



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Bitter feelings, Bitterness, Canon Compliant, Cuddling & Snuggling, Declarations Of Love, Drinking, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Kissing, Drunkenness, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings Realization, Frottage, Heavy Angst, Kissing, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Mild Sexual Content, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon, Romance, Slight fluff, hints of infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 00:59:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11242995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaishiru/pseuds/Kaishiru
Summary: The genjutsu Naruto was under wears off and he realizes his true feelings for Sasuke.





	Intertwined But Not Joined

**Author's Note:**

> When you go through your unfinished fics and find this and you remember your bitterness about the ending after three goddamn years. And now you have this. I would have had smut in this but, I don't feel like writing actual infidelity this time. (๑و•̀ω•́) lmao I have not written any Naruto content in ages, so. ┐(´д‘)┌
> 
> Anyway, do enjoy this lowkey salt filled story!
> 
> (I don't own Naruto. Shame.)

You know how one can have everything they could ever want in their life and it turns out to be so perfect? It’s strange knowing I used to have such a terrible life growing up when I look at how my life has turned out now. I have a beautiful wife who gave birth to two beautiful children. I have a beautiful family now; something of my own I never thought I would have. I am respected all over the village. The fact I am Hokage now is just so surreal. The peace me and everyone has fought for in the last ninja war is here. It is thriving. And I’m sure it will last for a long time. Everything I ever wanted is finally in my grasp.

My life right now is perfect.  _ Very _ perfect.

Except…

This life that I have, it feels so wrong. Like I should be living another type of life. Whenever I look at my family, I feel like something is off. It is like, ‘Why do I have this life?’ That feeling has been increasing more by the day. To know something was off is inherently bothering me. It's like an itch that will not go away.

I see him when I am either working or heading home really late. Sometimes I see him at the bar, drinking shot after shot of the strongest alcohol they have in stock until they close for the night. Tonight is no different when I cross paths with him again while he is arriving at the bar, ready to drink himself under the table again. My heart does little flips when our eyes meet, but then it sinks to the lowest part of my body. He is suffering… It hurts to know he is suffering and I tried to do everything in the power I have at my disposal to help him. I guess not even chakra healing can clear up emotional scars and heartbreak. Especially when I am the one who caused it in the first place. I don’t even deserve to see him. Yet we always cross paths no matter what. This man is linked to me in every possible way. He is the moon to my sun and the fire to my wind. Sasuke… Even thinking of his name quickens my heart and causes desire to swirl in my stomach. Each day I remember what he is to me and how much I love him.

I approach Sasuke as he was about to walk into the bar and he inclines his head slightly when I move to open the door for him. His one dark eye not covered by his hair. He must not favor anyone seeing the Rinnegan activated constantly in his left eye. He just walks inside and I quickly follow after him, soon taking our seat at the bar table. He doesn’t say anything about me hovering over him as he orders his first round of shots of the strongest liquor they have. The bartender serves it to Sasuke without complaint as he slides him some money, telling him to keep them coming. My heart feels constricted. It was going to be one of those nights again, wasn’t it. My mind wonders how he even gets home...

I realize I am watching Sasuke and paying attention to the features of his face as he consumes more alcohol. He is still beautiful like the moon under our shared night's sky after all of these years. I don’t focus on that like most of the girls had done, but I can’t help but notice little things that only insinuates his natural beauty. How his creamy white cheeks are stained with a dusty rose color. His long, black hair is still silky looking and covered half of his face now. His long eyelashes brush his cheeks every so often when he swallows his drink. His face sometimes contorts in slight discomfort. I figure liquor must be the kind that leaves a lingering burn. Ehggh, I hate drinking those. I don’t even know how he and grandma can even tolerate it. That one night of drinking on the day of my inauguration was once enough. I drink something more tame if I feel like drinking at all. Sasuke doesn’t seem to care as long as he gets to the level of drunk he wishes to achieve by the end of the night. Worry sets in more, weighing down my heart.

“Aren’t you going to drink too?” Sasuke finally asks me, breaking my train of thought.

“No,” I answer him and he just makes a noncommittal noise before downing his seventh shot. I want to stop him, but I feel like he wouldn’t listen anyway. He never had before except after our final battle against each other. I wonder why he hasn’t gotten a prosthetic arm as I watch him drink. I release a sigh and decide to order a glass of some sake, knowing it was light and I can afford to drink a few glasses. I take a few sips as Sasuke eyes me speculatively and I flush slightly. What is going on in his head?

The area around us is lively and a jaunty tune plays in the background to fuel the atmosphere, urging anyone who is either drunk enough to or anyone who likes this kind of music to dance. If Sasuke was in a better state of mind, I would definitely drag him onto the dancefloor. The thought of dancing so close with every part of our bodied pressing against each other makes me shiver. I hold back my desire and keep an eye on Sasuke as I order a second glass of sake. He watches me as if trying to figure something out. I take it upon myself to ask him why he is staring so much.

“Something wrong?” I ask him innocently.

“Nothing. I was wondering why you aren’t home with your family,” he shrugged before downing a couple more shots. His speech is already beginning to slur. I should stop him.

“Sasuke, I think you should—” I begin to tell him instead of answering his question right now. I reach out with my right hand to stop him from ordering any more drinks.

“Go home. There is no need for you to be here, Naruto.” He snaps, slapping my hand away. “Your family is waiting.”

“What if I refuse?”

“Then you are more of a fucking dunce than I pegged you to be.” I chuckl at the insult thrown at me, thinking that is such a Sasuke-like response.

“Maybe I am… Or maybe I want to know what is going on with you. Why do you drink so much every night?”

“Nothing is going on.” He answers in a clipped tone of voice.

“Sasuke. I know you just as you know me. And I know something is wrong when you do stuff to endanger your life.” Well, not to mention he has an array of other issues that could also contribute to his alcohol problem. However, I have a feeling that is all that can’t be it.

“It's nothing, Naruto. Go home.” He sighs, irritated as he lowers his head onto the bar table.

“Sasuke.” I press on for answers once again and a weird feeling settles inside my gut that I may regret this fairly soon.

“It’s your fault…” I hear him mumble as he raises his face to look at me. There is hurt and anger in his facial expression, my heart twists painfully as a result. I knew I had hurt him with my decisions, but to hear it from his mouth still got to me. “We could have had something and you went ahead and married that woman in a short time. I was only fine for a couple of months and I receive a message from you that you were getting married.” Sasuke just tells the bartender to leave the bottle and pays for it. Thankfully it is nearly empty.

“And to further twist the knife in my wound, you had two children with her. Not one, but two. You barely knew this woman and you claim you love her?!” Sasuke emphasizes his point by holding up two fingers to show me he knows how many  children I had with Hinata. I know this already because I was there and coherent when I conceived both of them. I never thought Sasuke would be hurt if he had found out. I never even thought of how he would actually feel. I was in love with Hinata because something made me think that. I figure it must be a genjutsu because the thick haze over my mind is clearing. It is still clearing. My feelings for Sasuke are returning in full force, nearly choking me, but I withstand it. The need to reciprocate to Sasuke's feelings is high even though it may be too late. No wonder Sasuke is livid with me. He continues to talk and for once, I will myself to listen.

“A year.” He begins once more and he works on emptying the bottle. “I told you before I left this place that I would be gone for that much time. And you promised you would wait for me. Not even two months had passed and you went and married  **_her_ ** .”

I blanch, shrinking back from him slightly as he vents, the alcohol fueling his emotions and allowing them to flow out. It was almost like a dam had broke and the emotions Sasuke had been bottling up for years came out in strong waves. It takes me by surprise and I am unable to respond right away. I realize what I had done as he peers into my eyes with hurt in them. What I did to him was not as bad as the massacre of his entire clan. This was probably close enough to the degree of pain he felt and I caused that pain this time. I didn't realize that until now. I can’t ignore the way his dark eye wavered with emotion; the same emotion he had when we fought the first time. And I realize I had been hurting him all this time. Guilt rises within me and I avert his gaze, ashamed to even look at him. It didn't keep him from talking to me. There was no need to stop him. I decide to let him get it all out. He needs to vent, to get angry with me. After what I did, it is only fair.

“I couldn't come to the wedding. It would have hurt more. My heart already had cracks in it and you just damaged it further. Do you have any idea how that felt?” I don't miss the hurt in his voice, it makes my heart ache in response. Had my emotions for him been this strong before?

“I know I hurt you. And I realize that no matter how many times I say sorry, it won't be enough. Our present will stay the same.” I say. I hope Sasuke could hear the regret in my voice.

“Hnn… You say that as though you want to keep things as they are,” he retorts.

“I actually don't. What I want is a new life with the one person who really matters to me.”

The look on Sasuke’s face consisted of shock before it turned incredulous at my words. He doubts me. Not that I could blame him. It's up to me to prove him wrong. But first, I need to get him out of here. I believe Sasuke has had enough to drink after he downs what’s left in the bottle in three gulps. He protests as I pay for his drinks and apologize to the bartender for Sasuke who I help off his seat. My arm is around his waist and his arm is wrapped around my shoulders. It surprises me as I lead us out the bar that Sasuke is actually standing. However, I know it is too soon to count my blessings. He did get drunk off his ass because of me. I feel awful he has been destroying himself this entire time.

Those negative feelings had been there for a long time ever since the haze that was my normal family life, had lifted. None of what I had felt right. My feelings for Hinata, my two children, even my life as Hokage… It felt all wrong. In place of those feelings, the love I previously had for Sasuke emerged with a vengeance. If I so much as thought about him, I would feel tears spring to my eyes and I question why I have this life. I really could have had something great with the one I loved more than life itself. He is the moon to my sun, the fire to my wind. I love him. He is what I consider my soulmate in every way one can imagine. Yes, being Hokage was my dream and I am exactly that. It is more rewarding than I can imagine. Without Sasuke at my side, there really was no point. My current life had no purpose if it didn't involve him.

And my feelings for Sasuke were building and building until I couldn't take it anymore. I want to tell him I remember what he is to me. Where I want our relationship to go. We're both married and have families… Should I really go back to my life? Pretend I love Hinata like I loved Sasuke? No, I still love Sasuke. Those feelings were buried. My “love” for Hinata was the one that was fabricated for me and then implanted into my mind. That is why this life is not for me. I cannot love someone I don't have romantic feelings for. Honestly, I don't know her the way I know Sasuke. I also believe she doesn't know me that well either. Though I am probably just speculating. I am so confused and afraid. I can't stop loving Sasuke. And I can't lie about the feelings I have for him either.

I have no idea what I should do other than bury our feelings and return to our lives as is. It would be for the best. Two men being together even in a romantic sense is not seen as normal. He and I know this. We are aware our feelings cannot be reciprocated or given. Not openly. It aches to know this. Especially because our statuses changed in the years. The seventh Hokage cheating on his wife of twelve years with a notorious criminal of Konohagakure. It is almost laughable. My children would hate me.

I can't bury those feelings for Sasuke. Not even if I tried my damndest to. I love him. I want him. I need him. Every part of my being corresponds to Sasuke’s, strong and true. No one else could ever compete with him. How could Hinata even try to? Now that I know what Sasuke is to me again, I don't love Hinata the way I love him. Sasuke has become an irreplaceable part of my life. Realizing this felt so right.

After leaving the bar, I decide to take Sasuke to a nearby hotel. It was a couple blocks away and thankfully not many people were out at this time. It was kind of getting late. There was no way he could go home and Sarada and Sakura smells the strong alcoholic beverage all over him. And I can't go home either because I smell like the bar. Such a stupid excuse even for me to come up with. My main concern is to get Sasuke into a bed so he can sleep all of that liquor off. And I can't leave him alone until I know he is okay which may turn into an overnight stay in the same hotel room. I don't mind. He is my best friend and his well-being means a lot to me. And I am remembering how much.

The walk to a nearby hotel takes more time than it probably would on a sober day and during daylight. But, it is nighttime, Sasuke is drunk with me half carrying him. Has he always been light? For someone who is a couple centimeters taller, he is pretty easy to carry. Sort of. Being a drunk makes him a little heavier, I guess. At least I know I won't drop him.

I apologize to the clerk at the front desk as we stumble into the lobby and request a room. She eyes Sasuke warily and just hands me the key to one of the rooms on the first floor. I'm happy she didn't give us the top floor because I see Sasuke looking a little green. Shit. I thank the woman while paying for the room in a hurry before dragging Sasuke to our room for the night. I manage to get the door open and dragged him off to the bathroom where he makes it to the toilet only to empty his stomach into it. The sounds of his retching tugs a bit painfully at my heart. I remember it the last time I found that he was suffering a lot of pain. Sasuke…

I rub his back with one hand after tugging his hair out of his face. It's gotten so long and it feels so soft against my fingers. As much as I wish to run my fingers through it, I can't now. Plus, the guy I love is still puking his guts into the toilet bowl. He drank a lot and his body is paying for it. I feel worse for this man now that I'm sure his heavy drinking was because of me.

Sasuke seemed to have finished when his body went limp and I carefully move him into sitting position against the tub. I leave him for a minute to retrieve a glass of water and return to him. He takes the glass from me and uses the water to wash out the taste of vomit from his mouth, spitting it back into the cup. I take the glass back and pour it out in the sink then refill it with water. He groans and tries to reject it when I hand it to him.

“I don't want it,” he protests and pushes my hand away.

“You need to drink it, Sasuke,” I tell him, still urging for him to take the glass.

Reluctantly, he takes it after my insistence and manages to down the entire glass. He still looks rough, but considerably much better than he was a minute ago. Thank goodness. I set the empty glass on the counter and help him to his feet so I could get him to bed. Sleeping this off would help and I pray to whoever is listening that he will be okay. Not right away, but eventually.

Sasuke pulls himself out of my arms and falls over onto the bed, the springs creak minutely under his weight. He kicks off his shoes then sits up again for the second time, gripping his head. I assume he has a headache before what he says catches me off guard.

“Why are you here with me?” He asks.

“Helping you, of course. Why else would I be here?” I ask in return.

“You should be home with her.”

My stomach churns uncomfortably, signalling my guilt. I do not miss the way he referred to Hinata. He surely holds a lot of resentment towards her for stealing me away. Though she didn't really mean to… I also remember Sasuke not being there for my wedding and I get why he sent that invitation back to me with his hawk. It stung but it's so silly how I thought that was 

“I rather be here.”

“Bullshit. I have a hard time believing that.”

Yeah, I know I deserved that response.

“You know I would never lie to you. Now that the haze is clearing, I remember what I felt for you. And still do.” I explain to him, kicking off my shoes before sitting down next to him, though not so close. “I remember how much you mean to me, Sasuke.”

“Are you saying you love me the same way you love that woman?” He asks. I nod.

“Actually, I love you more. Way more.” I confess and he glances up at me, eyes meeting mine for the second time tonight. It is watery yet still full of fire. God, I really had hurt him, didn't I…

“Naruto, as much as I love you… I don't think you understand how betrayed I felt when you up and married some girl who could barely say two words to you without fainting.” He sighs. “I just...why? Why didn't you wait for me to come back? Did you forget?”

“No. I just thought I loved Hinata all this time. After ‘realizing’ that, I didn't think of how you felt. I didn't even try after so long. Now that the haze has cleared, I realize it now as I see you,” I tell him, he scoffs dismissively. I don't stop talking despite his worsening mood and my heart throbbing almost painfully in response. “Sasuke, I feel it. I  _ feel _ the pain you're in and it hurts. I'm so sorry… Your feelings really were so important to me and I wanted so much to return them…!”

“Then why didn't you? I don't care if I was away from this place during the time you got with her. You could have told me,” he murmurs and his harsh glare is focusing on me. “Why didn't you, Naruto?”

“I… Had no idea why then. Now that I think about it, I worried about how people would perceive our love. Whether they would be okay with us being together. Not because I was a hero and you, a criminal. But, because we are two men.”

“You’re a real dumbass for letting your feelings get the best of you and keep you from having true happiness in your life.” Sasuke scoffs, though it seems to be half-hearted.

“Maybe I am, but it doesn't change how I felt about you and still feel about you.” I tell him as I chuckle at his insult. It felt like we were seventeen again, bouncing insults off each other lovingly. If I was really dense, I wouldn't be able to tell that there was love behind Sasuke witty banter. It makes me happy to know that Sasuke still loves me even after so much time has passed and we are living different lives. But the life that I have is not what I want. I know that now.

I want the life I could have had with Sasuke so, so much. His feelings are mutual despite being pissed with me. However, we have wives and children by them. I do love my family with everything I have and I love being Hokage. If I am being honest, I would give up this life to live another with the man I loved since I was young. It feels right to love him and it feels right to be loved by him.

I don't realize our bodies moved closer and I can see the little details of Sasuke’s dark right eye and rinnegan. It should weird me out but, I find it beautiful on him even with age wearing slightly at his features. I love him. He is the one for me despite how our lives are now. He moves closer to me and I could not will myself to move away. I should. Yet I don't want to. His breaths hit my skin. There is still the strong smell of alcohol on his breath and I know now in the back of my mind, I should pull away. I still don't.

His lips meet mine and suddenly everything explodes like a bomb. Our hands roam wherever they could touch, even sliding underneath each other's shirts, my fingers feels the slightly scarred skin on his previously flawless skin. I laugh mentally as I remember how often and how hard we came for each other, fighting to the death. Now we are fighting for something else when Sasuke pushes me down onto the bed and straddles my hips. We only break apart briefly because of that but Sasuke kisses me again and I reciprocate. This is better than anything I tried not to imagine with him before. Kissing him like this now, I could almost laugh at how silly those worried feelings were. It isn't perfect. It's messy, hungry, and Sasuke reeked of hard liquor, but I want this and him. I feel his dick harden against mine and he notices. It takes for him to grind down onto me, the delicious friction for me to realize what is about to happen. I need to stop this.

I decide to take control and manage to flip us over. Now I am on top of Sasuke and I shudder as he tries to entice me further. Of course I want him… More than anything. Tonight would be a wonderful fleeting dream and much needed closure for both of us. However, Sasuke is still drunk and a huge part of me want him completely sober for sex. I don't want to take advantage of him in any way. Especially like this.

“Sasuke, we should go to sleep. And pick this up in the morning when you feel better,” I suggest to him and he frowns.

“You're hard and all you want to do is sleep?” He asks me incredulously.

“Believe me, I want you, but I want you to feel it more when you are sober.” I clarify, hoping he understands.

After a few moments of him staring at me for some kind of affirmation, he sighs and his body relaxes. I roll off of him but I kiss his cheek and pull him close to myself. I am still hard and Sasuke probably is too, but I rather just hold him close. I crave that more than actual sex for now... Cheating on my wife was not something I considered doing at all and I feel bad. With Sasuke, it feels right to kiss him, touch him. I want more but the time isn't right. Not while he is drunk at least. No one should consider what I will do once Sasuke sobers up.

“If you're up for it, I'm definitely up for fucking in the morning.” he murmurs. I hear the smile in his voice.

I am hesitant but I want this. My confusing feelings were soon blurred by the overwhelming love I felt for my soulmate, my first love and best friend. It surprised me when the next words I think of responding with and try to hold back comes through my lips.

“Definitely up for it. And it will be our secret.” Just for a while at least.

“I can stand to wait a little more if that's the case.”

Before I could reply, Sasuke fell asleep. Soft snores came from him and it makes him seem adorable even as an adult. A genuine smile is on my face and it aches a little. It feels so good to smile like that after a long time. I have my heart back. My other half. Sasuke…


End file.
